ANTONIO FERNANDEZ CARRIEDO: User Guide and Manual
by 0ptimuspenguin
Summary: CONGRATULATIONS! You've just purchased an ANTONIO FERNANDEZ CARRIEDO unit. In order to ensure you have the best time with him, we've provided this manual...


**Disclaimer: Nope.**

**A/N:** so I rewrote all the other manuals. plz go check them out? haha.

this is...very late. late enough that Spain accumulated 177 votes. thanks for caring, guys :) please go vote again? next option = GERMANY HNNNG. also - EliteKissu wrote a Spain manual, so go read it :D

also - since the wikia's down, a lot of this is headcanon/info gleaned from roleplaying.

HOLY SHIT THE ICE CREAM AISLE AT SAFEWAY IS LONGER THAN PRUSSIA'S DICK

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><p><strong>ANTONIO FERNANDEZ CARRIEDO: User Guide and Manual<strong>

**CONGRATULATIONS!** You've just invested in an ANTONIO FERNANDEZ CARRIEDO unit! In order to ensure that you, the owner, get the best of your unit while keeping all your extremities, we've taken the liberties of writing this manual, and strongly suggest that you read it before attempting to handle your unit.

**Technical Specifications:**

Name: Antonio Fernandez Carriedo. Will also reply to "Spain", "Espagna", "Boss", "Captain", "Tony", "Tomato bastard", and "YOU SICK FUCK".

Age: 25

Place of Manufacture: Barcelona, Spain

Height: 5'10"

Weight: 145 lbs

Length: It's everything you dream of, and then some. (What did you expect? Spain's the country of passion.)

**Your ANTONIO FERNANDEZ CARRIEDO unit comes with the following accessories: **

One (1) beige army uniform

One (1) pair of black slimcut jeans

One (1) matador uniform

One (1) Fender DG100 acoustic guitar

One (1) TOMATO unit

Two (2) tomato-patterned boxers

**Programming: **

Your ANTONIO FERNANDEZ CARRIEDO unit is equipped with the following traits:

Band Member/Solo Performer: You in need of a singer or guitarist? Whether it be for your band or for a solo deal, ANTONIO FERNANDEZ CARRIEDO is the guy for you! We're going to be racist and say that, since your unit is Spanish, he's automatically a great singer and a great guitarist; he can also play drums and keyboard, and has a knack for other instruments as well. He looks great on camera, which is a major up, and he'll rake in the cash from the moment you put him on stage.

Preschool Teacher: While not one of the best-paying jobs around, your unit is a natural at this. Years of handling whiny, grumpy kids mellowed him out, for the most part, and children absolutely adore him.

Massage Therapist: ANTONIO FERNANDEZ CARRIEDO's got sinful hands, after all - what better use for them than at a spa? If you get him a job as a massage therapist, you'll soon have a steady stream of cash from the long, long list of clientele he's sure to accumulate in the first week or two, and your unit will be better-tempered as a result of his calming occupation. Plus, you'll get to see him in tight black clothes more often!*

Bouncer: Believe it or not, your unit's grin can be extremely intimidating. Just set him outside and watch him scare away everyone underage! Please note that ANTONIO FERNANDEZ CARRIEDO is notorious for accepting bribes; as such, any damage done to underaged persons is your responsibility.

ER Surgeon: ANTONIO FERNANDEZ CARRIEDO is one of the few units who looks great in scrubs, and his quick reflexes are ideal for a job like this.

Dance Instructor: Skilled in every kind of dance, ANTONIO FERNANDEZ CARRIEDO can teach a regular class or teach the stars. He's got years of practice and a glorious ass; what more could you ask for?

Football Player: Spain didn't win FIFA for no reason, after all. Your unit is great at football (soccer), and quick to challenge other units. Please note that LUDWIG KALTHERZIG and GILBERT BEILSCHMIDT may hold a grudge against him, and try to bludgeon him with various blunt objects during what you thought to be a fun game.

**Removal of your ANTONIO FERNANDEZ CARRIEDO from Packaging:**

Your unit is, simply put, a morning person. You can't jolt him into a locked mode, and he won't try and kill you when you wake him up. The only problem with ANTONIO FERNANDEZ CARRIEDO is that it's extremely difficult _to_ wake him up; in order to avoid any drama, we've attached the following list of failsafe ways to get your unit up and going and ready to reprogram.

1. Cook Spanish or Mexican food - preferably something with a strong odor, like huevos rancheros or chicken enchiladas. Cooking English food will awaken your unit, but he'll comment snidely on how awful that smells; you can try cooking or ordering other types of cuisine, but the three listed above are the only ones that always work.

2. Get a LOVINO VARGAS unit to come and shout for him to get his lazy ass up. Your unit will jump up right away; the real issue here is convincing a LOVINO VARGAS to give you a hand. You could also bring a GILBERT BEILSCHMIDT and a FRANCIS BONNEFOIS, and leave them with the box; when you come back, ANTONIO FERNANDEZ CARRIEDO will have gotten up.

3. Activate the attached TOMATO unit, and immediately drop-kick it out the window. ANTONIO FERNANDEZ CARRIEDO will cry out and break out of his box, and when he realizes that he can't see TOMATO, he'll allow you to reprogram him.

**Reprogramming**

After successfully awakening your ANTONIO FERNANDEZ CARRIEDO, you'll have the option to reprogram him. His modes are as follows:

_Numbskull (default)_

_Sexy (default)_

_Boss_

_Troll_

_Romantic_

_Sociopathic (locked)_

ANTONIO FERNANDEZ CARRIEDO's standard modes are _Numbskull _and _Sexy_. Both are very simple concepts: in _Numbskull_, your unit will not question anything and will usually just grin and go with whatever you're saying, even if you're insulting him, because his brain practically shuts down. He might get emotional and teary-eyed on you if you hurt his feelings too badly, but that's unlikely because _Sexy _is also in effect. _Sexy _makes him eternally up for grabs - which means that you should always have cameras set up in your house, because ANTONIO FERNANDEZ CARRIEDO might sneak a lover or three in at night.

If you put your unit into _Boss_ mode, he'll suddenly become the overprotective guardian you never had. He'll be extremely fond of LOVINO VARGAS and FELICIANO VARGAS units, and might ask for them randomly; if he vanishes, there's a good chance he's gone off to chill with a RODERICH EDELSTEIN or fight with an ARTHUR KIRKLAND unit. To put him into this mode, simply show him a little!Romano unit or a _Flipped_ LOVINO VARGAS.

In _Troll_, ANTONIO FERNANDEZ CARRIEDO is nothing but a jerk. He'll act like he's in _Numbskull_, but you'll be able to tell the difference because he'll constantly insult you and bring your actions into question. Please don't try to convince yourself that you can out-troll him, because there are only two documented examples of a unit owner winning against ANTONIO FERNANDEZ CARRIEDO; most likely, you'll end up crying yourself to sleep. It is believed that your unit enters this mode after exposure to 4chan or any of the other -chans, but we are unsure. To get him out of it, get a RODERICH EDELSTEIN unit, the only unit who can out-troll him, or an ARTHUR KIRKLAND who, after much hardship, will finally overcome ANTONIO FERNANDEZ CARRIEDO.

His last unlocked mode is _Romantic_. If you want your unit to create a long-lasting romance, he must be in this mode. Sex in any other mode will create a forever-casual relationship with the other unit. To get ANTONIO FERNANDEZ CARRIEDO into _Romantic_, simply sit down and watch a chick-flick marathon. Movies like _The Twilight Saga _(especially _Eclipse_) and _The Notebook_ are wonderful for this.

Your unit has one locked mode, _Sociopathic_, that can be unlocked by putting him in _Boss_ and then leaving him in the scarier part of town - somewhere that he's likely to get assaulted for looking so happy. If you'd like to watch, you may, but all you'll see is your unit defending himself with some very unorthodox weapons that may or may not include passerby and old syringes. When he returns home, ANTONIO FERNANDEZ CARRIEDO will seem the same, except for two major things: one, he'll actually think, and two, he'll go out killing people instead of bringing them home. He covers his tracks expertly, though, so you won't need to worry about the police investigating. Even after switching modes, your ANTONIO FERNANDEZ CARRIEDO will still show traits of _Sociopathic_, but you can get a LOVINO VARGAS to convince him not to kill people.

**Relationships with Other Units**

Practically everyone gets along well with ANTONIO FERNANDEZ CARRIEDO, but here is a list of the units with whom he'll spend the most time.

LOVINO VARGAS: Your unit and LOVINO VARGAS have a long past together. First and foremost, they see each other as siblings; if you want a relationship between them, you'll need to get them to overcome that barrier. After that, a romance will grow like wildfire. Please note that LOVINO VARGAS is the only romance option for whom ANTONIO FERNANDEZ CARRIEDO doesn't need to be in _Romantic_ to obtain.

ARTHUR KIRKLAND: The animosity from their pirate days has mostly died down, and left the wonderful embers of a relationship built on hate-sex. With just a little coaxing and a _Romantic_ ANTONIO FERNANDEZ CARRIEDO, these two'll hook up pretty fast. They tend to have a lot of crazy roleplays that you definitely will not want to miss, so double-check the cameras you should have set up when you ordered this unit.

RODERICH EDELSTEIN: After centuries of living together, ANTONIO FERNANDEZ CARRIEDO still harbors strong feelings for this unit. RODERICH EDELSTEIN enjoys spending time with your unit as well, but is reluctant to start a relationship. ANTONIO FERNANDEZ CARRIEDO will have to try extra hard if you want them to get together!

CAMILLE STEICHEN: CAMILLE STEICHEN and ANTONIO FERNANDEZ CARRIEDO get along very well, and spend a fair amount of time together. It's easy for their friendship to blend into a whirlwind romance that'll leave Bella and Edward in the dust; however, since the female units cannot reproduce, don't go expecting any cute Spanish-Belgian babies.

**Cleaning**

Your unit loves communal baths, and will often entice you to join him. It is perfectly safe to do so; ANTONIO FERNANDEZ CARRIEDO is not a rapist, and will not touch you unless you ask him to. Note that he is a legal adult.

**Feeding**

ANTONIO FERNANDEZ CARRIEDO loves eating and loves cooking. He can make his own food, so don't worry about feeding him; if anything, he'll try and feed you because he thinks you're not eating enough.

**Rest**

Every afternoon, your unit will eat a great big lunch and then flop onto the sofa for a well-deserved siesta that can last anywhere between two and for hours. Apart from this, ANTONIO FERNANDEZ CARRIEDO will sleep whenever he feels like it, although he'll wake up at dawn every morning.

**FAQ**

Q: So...my unit came with a red blob. What is it?

A: That is the TOMATO unit. It is literally just an inedible tomato - think rock pet, but better. **  
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Q: My unit's moping! Like, he's just sitting in the corner and sighing every few minutes!

A: He was most likely just turned down by a LOVINO VARGAS or other such romantic interest. There is nothing you can do, because if you intervene you'll just irritate him; just wait it out. He'll get over it in a few days.

Q: The TOMATO unit ran away, and so did my ANTONIO FERNANDEZ CARRIEDO!

A: Luckily, every unit comes equipped with a GPS tracker that can locate them within three feet anywhere on the planet! Simply call or email Customer Services (if you call, you'll need to follow the necessary prompts), and give the eight-digit shipment code you got in your order confirmation email.

**Troubleshooting**

Problem: You woke up one morning to find your unit crouched over you, pressing a cross to your forehead and mumbling Latin to himself. When he realized you were awake, he immediately started spitting at you and screaming that you were a heathen and infidel - or something along those lines, because he was screeching in frantic Spanish. Now he sits at the table with a bible and a cross, and keeps throwing you dirty looks every few seconds, and you're pretty sure he's planning to waterboard you in your bathtub.

Solution: Congratulations! You've unlocked your unit's hidden _Fanatic_ mode! In this mode, ANTONIO FERNANDEZ CARRIEDO will try to exorcise the demons he believes to be hiding inside you, because he thinks that you're an infidel. It's basically the mindset of the Spanish Inquisition; you'll want to get him into another mode, and quick, because he probably _is_ planning to waterboard you in your bathtub. Please note that, while you can use any method to get him out of _Fanatic_, he will first revert to _Sociopathic_ and then you can reprogram him to whatever mode you'd like.

Problem: Instead of receiving a man in your box, you got a teen wearing a tunic. He smiles all the time, likes to sleep with you, and asks for FRANCIS BONNEFOIS, SADIQ ADNAN, and AUGUSTUS VARGAS, and has no idea who LOVINO VARGAS and FELICIANO VARGAS are.

Solution: Whoops, we accidentally sent you a little!Spain unit! This form of your unit is about fourteen or so, but he's as promiscuous as a biscuit and therefore good for various illicit activities. He is, unfortunately, automatically in _Sociopathic_, and there are no other mode options for him; since he hasn't met LOVINO VARGAS yet, he's a jerk. We understand completely if you want to trade him in, in which case you need only call Customer Services.

**End Notes**

With enough love, care, and patience for romantic movies, you'll find ANTONIO FERNANDEZ CARRIEDO to be a valuable companion. We wish you good luck, and hope you enjoy your unit!

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><p><strong>AN:** sorry, this was so miserably late Cx

the music vid for "Every Tear Is a Waterfall" is _trippy_, man.

thanks to Lily Winterwood and CanDoAnythingNow for pointing out some stuff, and ThePsychicAnimelovingBookworm for reminding me that I forgot to put something down for length. hurr


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